I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
