I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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