The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
