hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
