I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
