dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
