420 ftw
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
