The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
