WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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