I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
