I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
