New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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