dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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