And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
