sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
