I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
