i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
