Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
