I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
