Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
