You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
