Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
