The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
