Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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