How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
