i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
