i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
