Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You need Xanax blowdarts
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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