My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
