i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
