What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
