im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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