I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
