i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
