TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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