Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
