officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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