i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
