i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
