i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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