Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
