dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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