I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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