i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
