Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
