Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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