So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
