I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
