I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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