Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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