last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
