Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
