Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
