I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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