omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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