Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
