Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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