is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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